gold for the price of silver

"If it takes control of your body and soul, embrace it. If it makes you cry or leaves you wondering why, don't turn around, face it. But do you turn cold if they promised you gold for the price of silver. If it's chemically made by people you hate, pinch your arm, see if you're still there."

i heard this song at work and really liked the sound. then i went home and looked up the lyrics as i always do. that's when i fell in love with it.

the 1st two lines seem to speak to a philosophy of living that i used to be much better at putting into practice. it's simply being fearless and the hardest principle to walk.

at the same time you have to stick to your principles as the next two lines say. don't be a sucker for something that's too good to be true. and don't make deals that compromise your ideals.

if you can figure out how to balance these, fearlessness and principles, let me know how. i'm open to suggestions.


the song continues
"...let's go and watch the sun rise. Let your heart run along to the rhythm of your song. Everything you want is what I got to give you. You just have to let yourself come with me now. Everything you want is what I got to give you. There's no time to hesitate, come with me now. Let's go and watch the sun rise over London bridge or the Golden Gate..."





"Gold for the Price of Silver" from the album Versus by Kings of Convenience

las madres

My good friend Nick let me borrow a movie he's been telling me about since I met him. The movie is Spanglish. It's so cute and so funny.

Towards the end of the film Deborah (Téa Leoni) tries to blame her mother (Cloris Leachman) for her marital problems and the reason she is having an affair. To which her mother replies, "Lately honey, your low self-esteem is just good common sense."

You see, maybe the daughter has had some influences that sent her down a not-so-positive way of living and thinking. However, one must still take responsibility for one's own actions.

Sometimes you have to be shown how awful you are and what you're going to lose in order to realize the necessity of change.

Hopefully it won't be too late.



still blaming her mother...
"Deborah: You were an alcoholic and wildly promiscuous woman during my formative years so that I'm in this fix because of you, it is your fault and I just needed that moment for us to build on.
Evelyn: You have a solid point dear... but right now the lessons of my life are coming in handy for you."


Spanglish is really a look at three very different mother-daughter relationships. Mothers influence daughters who grow to become mothers who influence daughters. It's a cycle that continues until the right mother is able to have strength enough to teach her daughter what"s really important in life.

fear of sleep

i can’t sleep!!!
i’ve tried everything...
-caffeine
-television
-loud music
-exercise
-freaking out about the future
-worrying about career
-regretting the past

nothing works. just can’t seem to do the sleep thing tonight:


“paranoid, you have no idea.
listen to all the voices and tell me what you hear. is it right or wrong just to sit and wait? you push your body to the knife but it feels as if you hesitate.

gotta get away lover, just a place to crawl away. is this a love or just a fear? what if there were traces shots of different faces follow me...

i keep you close enough to know that i am never alone. i disappear within the night though i act as if i'm coming home. are we just creatures of the night running to the light? so what if it turns us on? is it right or wrong?

is it right or wrong?

gotta get away...
love is a word we abuse with the things we say. time keeps a changing the rules to the games we play. dreams that awaken the fear that we're left in doubt. tears that come rolling and rolling and rolling down...

you wanted it all
you wanted it all
what keeps me broken in this world?


...if i fall asleep tonight will it all remain the same?”





"Fear of Sleep" by The Magic Numbers from Undecided EP

McBoyToys... rrrrowr

ran across this picture on one of my favorite blogs consumerist.com in a post called Unhappy Meals:



you should check out this site. i love it. it's a place to vent all your customer service issues. (or make you happy that the only thing that happened to you at Home Depot was the surly service desk clerk) they even have a handy guide to fighting back once you've been wronged in the consumer unfriendly world... and you will be!

enjoy

random iPod moment #42

took a right to the end of the line where no one ever goes. ended up on a broken train with nobody I know. but the pain and the longing's the same. where the dying now i’m lost and i’m screaming for help.
there is an answer to the darkest times. it’s clear we don’t understand but the last thing on my mind is to leave you. i believe that we’re in this together. don’t scream – there are so many roads left...

relax, take it easy...

"Relax, Take it Easy" from the disc Life in Cartoon Motion by Mika

bridget and the winds of change

there’s a scene in Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason where Bridget chucks Mark and is then seen walking in the streets of blue London with the city breeze moving through her hair. it reminded me of the night i discovered my ex was cheating on me...

i had gotten off work at 1am and waited for the bus and rode it home from the northside to downtown. (anyone that lives in Chicago knows that last sentence is at least an hour long.) exhausted i finally arrived home at my Marina City apartment (the "corncob" buildings) and went to check my e-mail. long story short i discovered online activity by my “partner” that could mean only one thing. i began to investigate further. and yep, it was a sure thing. there was no other way to look at the explicit details. he was hooking up with people online. there was even an update that he would be visiting in North Carolina if anyone there was interested.

i felt sick.

i put my coat back on. went down the elevator and into the quiet street. i couldn’t see anything. my brain was in shock. i remember the wind felt so good on my ears which felt like they were going to explode.

anyway. when i saw Bridget Jones walking in the city wind, i was taken back to that night. there’s something about that Chicago wind that turns down the streets without a signal and embraces you when no one else can possibly comfort your mind. it drowns out the world until all you can hear is its resilience. then it picks you up and you feel as if you could let it carry you at its will to the next place.

that night as i walked around Chicago's Gold Coast neighborhood until the wind brought the sun, i learned to listen. the wind told me so much. it told me things were going to be all right. it told me a chapter was concluding, and another was poised on the next page ready to reveal its events. but in no way is it the end of the story. it told me i was going to have to do things that were going to be difficult and things that were going to be unpleasant. it would be one of those moments i never relish where your going to have to be mature and make adult decisions.

the next two weeks were the hardest of that life. i couldn’t look him in the eye. i couldn’t say his name. i felt scared and empty as i faked my way through kisses and dinners. but i had to secretly plan to go. i knew that as soon as he knew i was going to leave, he would kick me to the street. you see, he had met secretly with our landlord so he could renew the lease on his own and have the power. he was that kind of person.

and he did.

when i did have the conversation with him that ended our six years together, it was sweet relief. there was nothing he could do to keep me. he tried
but
i had already made the firm decision in my head.
i had no commitment to our landlord.
i had a place to go.
i was free.

finally.

that night that i walked around Gold Coast until five in the morning with no other but the wind, i took a deep breath
for the first time
in a very long time.

you go! it’s your birthday

i really had a wonderful birthday on wednesday. thank you to all my friends who sent me messages with warm wishes! love you guys!

when i got home form work freddy surprised me with yummy little cakes! i really love cake. i’ve always wanted to eat cake until i am big as a house.
but i can only dream.

the cakes were soooo cute!

they had cute little dinosaur and toy car sprinkles...

and the cutest paper cups...

and rainbow stars!!!

what can i say? freddy knows me! and i think he may just love me.
(sucker.) =D

my brother sam sent me this tee that is perfectly me.


it’s called “Global Warming Isn’t So Bad.” designed by LouLou + Tummie! it’s from shirt.woot.com they have a limited edition shirt everyday. you should check them out.

besides having to work that day, i had a really great birthday. thanks to you, my many fans. i love you guys!!!

i ♡ new york

So I just watched Saturday Night Live from the past Saturday and I couldn’t keep from passing on this quote. I love The Weekend Update. To me, it’s the best part of SNL.

It was at its best when Tina Fey and Amy Poehler were doing co-anchors. They have to be one of the best duos that SNL has seen. They played off one another really well. The show was at a high point when Tina Fey was on the writing staff.

Anyway, I got carried away on that.

As you know, Seth Meyers now co-chairs with Amy Poehler. Tonight they were going along on there usual political and “stupid people” news when Amy totally took by surprise with this story. lmao!

“In an interview in Vanity Fair magazine Madonna criticizes New York City saying that, ‘It doesn’t feel alive, crackling with that synergy it had in the 80’s.’
Said New York City, ‘Right back atcha!’”

one thing leads to another

This is another hot adventure tale from the life of david-andrew about one thing that becomes another thing entirely. Why hot? Because I’m in it, duh!

It starts this morning about 3am. I’m sitting awake because the neighbor couple that moved in last month are shouting at each other yet again. I never can distinguish what the man is saying, but the woman has a few choice phrases she says all the time. Here are some examples: “Don’t corner me!!!” “Oww you’re hurting me!” “Oh you’re sick. You’re really sick.”

Well last night was a special night. Accompanying the yelling, I hear a screeching truck on the road in front of the house. So I got up out of bed and went into the guest bedroom window in the front of the house. Their red(neck) truck is parked down the street and they are running up and down the street yelling at each other.

I had grabbed my phone and now tried to dial 311, which does not work in Phoenix apparently. I went to my computer to look up the non-emergency number for the police. I found it, but couldn’t decide whether I needed emergency or non-emergency. Finally I decided that the police wouldn’t do anything anyway. So I resolved to call the HOA on Monday and just get them fined or kicked out.


Because I was up so late, I got up a little later than usual. Thank God I didn’t have to work! As a result, I missed the cat’s daily 5am wake up call for food.

When I did get up, the cat just stayed on the bed. I thought that was odd that he didn’t immediately run over to his bowl and start crying. Well, I’m not going to complain about no noise, so I just sat on the couch for a while and caught up on some Tivo.

Around noon thirty, my honey called me and I chatted with him while doing my usual “phone pacing” around the house. I wandered into the bedroom.

“OMG! WTF!?!!”

I know Fred thinks I planned this for while he was on the phone, but I was shocked by what I saw. I’m guessing the cat was mad. He had pooped and peed all over the bed. “Dear God, please help me not murder a cat today!”

I was livid

and out of laundry detergent. So I had to drive to Target as this was not the kind of laundry that can wait until next week. After picking up the detergent and a few other necessities (chocolate), I got back into the car and started home. I realized I wasn’t ready to go back to the cat, and the mess, and the yelling psychos, and the agoraphobia. So when I turned up Cave Creek Road toward my house, instead of stopping at home, I just keep right on going.


Not sure where I was headed, I knew that it would be beautiful to drive up the hills into the towns of Carefree or Cave Creek. So I did. It was great. I put the windows down and soaked up the sun and let the wind mess my hairs. I felt so free.

But this was not the usual sleepy drive into Cave Creek. The difference was immediately made apparent for surrounding me was bikers on huge motorbikes in all directions. Above my head there was a banner across the width of the road that said “Fiesta Days Rodeo.” What had I stumbled upon?

Everywhere I looked there were burly men in leather, muscles under white tanks tops, between their legs the rumbling power of their monster-sized motorbikes. I passed the Horny Toad Restaurant. The parking lot was filled to bursting with bikes.

“Maybe I could just pop in for a quick drink. Just one.”

Oh god, no! That would be a disaster. Not to mention the end of my life. I obviously didn’t belong in this group. Good thing my dark shades concealed my popping eyes. Fear won over temptation, and I quickly made a U-turn at the Lazy Lizard. Still engulfed by unfettered male-ness, I made a beeline for the valley. The closer I got to the edge of the hill, the bikes thinned out. I watched as Cave Creek got smaller in the rearview mirror, scanning for any sign I was followed. Relieved, I saw no one.

“BRRRROOMBRRRMMM!

My head snapped to the right. I forgot the blind spot! The dreaded blind spot! I’ve been found out!!! Equal parts scared and excited, I questioned the sanity of the sexy danger fantasy.

Just then, the bikes pulled around me in an eruption of speed and noise...

...and disappeared.

Wow! That’s was just adventure enough for today. Now I can go back to the cat, and the wee hours, and the laundry, and the writing.

and the living.

in bed

we went to P.F.Chang’s tonight. it was yummy. and it is always a cherished moment when i can sit down to dinner with freddy. i love every moment i can spend with him.

so have you ever played that game where you have to say “in bed” at the end of your fortune out of the cookie? i guess some people say “between the sheets” too. either way it’s always a hoot. well, here was my fortune tonight.

“You have a reputation for being straight-forward and honest”

...in bed

"...put on my blue suede shoes and i boarded the plane..."

sometimes its just great to be away. and not necessarily away from any one person or thing. but just away. really! try it. the best cure for the rat race ritual rut is simply to change.

i know it’s scary!
but try it.

i recently had a conversation with my brother on the subject of just how scary change is. even potentially beneficial change is met with trepidation. it’s all questions with very little answers.
who will i become?
where will this lead?
will i miss the familiar?
will the risk of change pan out to something good for me?
will i be asked to do something i can’t handle?

my brother says he too fears change of any kind. yet we both came to the same conclusion that being able to advance means being able to be the one who enacts the change.

but today i realized that change can be as easy as a direction of thought. change your mind. that’s why i’m advocating the earlier said “away.” away does wonders for your eyes, your mind, and as a result, your soul.

today’s “away” came to me in the form of a flight from Denver to Memphis. maybe not the exotic location you were just imagining. but it is away. and from 33,000 ft nothing on earth can touch you. and therefore can’t possible matter.

i’m away.

it maybe the flight of beers i had at the Left Hand Brewery in Denver with Lindsay, but i feel good. i’m so addicted to travel. i want to go everywhere, do and see everything. no experience is out of question.

it was great to see Lindsay also. haven’t see her since Love Parade last September in San Fransico. i told her i’m already counting the days until the next one. “is it too soon for that?” i asked. she said she started counting the day we left. right then we decided we’d cut the wait time by making a pilgrimage to Napa in the spring. that may tie us over for a little while?

see? i’m already planning the next “away.”
good times.

was a little disappointed with Memphis. only because Graceland is closed for the entire month of February! what’s up with that? i was so ready to blog about seeing “the ghost of Elvis!” without a car i was most definitely “walking in memphis,” however.

so i worked in that line anyway.

but i began this saying that it’s not always about the destination or the activity. it was awesome to be away. to just be with the man who i know loves me.

and get that breath of different air.
and regroup.



and start to change...

fallen comrade

i haven't posted in nearly a month and a half.
i have been taking a moment of silence for a fellow blogger. i can't get into the story, but maybe someday i can. a blogging friend of mine had to take down his blog because of some very ignorant people who wanted to exploit his postings. and still wish him harm.
so in remembrance of the death of a blog which i and many other folks enjoyed, i took some time off. not sure i really feel like blogging again. and i feel a little unprotected by the fine folks at google. however, i keep thinking of things that i want to say. as a writer i will always have the need to express and communicate.
so look for something soon?
...