i statements (qotd:112107)

so i just realized that it has been a month (!) since my last post. it’s funny (ironic?) that my last post was “then i sat down and started writing...” the thing is that i really did do just that. i have been writing, just not to this blog. i’ve had things i wanted to write, but didn’t sit down and take the time. i have been too busy writing to write.

i’ve also been buried deep within my own head. so far in i can’t see straight. it’s really hard to believe in your goals and yourself all the time. it’s even harder when those who are suppose to be “near-and-dear” tell you that you won’t make it.

just last night someone said to me, “so if you never get to do this thing that you want to do, what else do you want to do?” translation: what’s your back-up? ‘cause you ain’t makin’ it! my answer was nothing. i believe that having a back-up is setting yourself up to quit or fail. and i’ve done that back-up thing too long. now is the time to just do it.

as yoda famously said: “there is no try. only do or do not.”

then, after telling another friend what i’m doing in the pursuit of my goals, this friend starts telling me to go back to school and get another degree! aghast, i replied, “i still owe a mountain of money for my last degree!” and just because it may be a more practical vocation does not make it something i want to do. in fact, the practicality of it is what turns me off about it.

and then there’s the issue of certain family who don’t understand why i don’t want to move to north carolina, video-tape weddings and make wedding cakes (even though they will never be supportive of my people getting married), or find a meaningless job at a soulless corporation just to live. that’s not living. that’s passing time waiting to die.

there is no way i could hate any of these people though. in their ways, they all just want what they think is the best for me.

but i have come to realize one thing. really i’m realizing it again. it’s something that is always preached. and its something that i’ve always known. but suddenly i’m taking in the full meaning of it.

i am the only one who knows my path.
i am the only one who can accomplish my goals.
i am the only one with the will power to take action.
i am the only one that will help me.
i am the only one who can believe in me.
i am the only one who knows that i’m going to get there.

everyone else has their own issues, their own problems, their own motivations, their own success, and their own life to worry about.

my new mantra: i have to make it happen.