the cure for the holiday spirit (qotd:120607)

I’m starting to get into the holiday spirit. You know, the fear that years are passing you by while you blink, worry that next year will be the same, and paralyzing depression. I thought that maybe I would feel better after shaving, showering, and getting out of the house. I’ve been trying to see the sun at least once a day.

So I was out running an errand for my brother at Borders, and I may have stumbled across the cure for this holiday spirit. I was in the Paradise Valley Mall (PV Mall to the locals), so I thought I might as well stop in “Puppies ‘n’ Love.” It won’t hurt just to look.

I wandered around awhile looking at all the things you can get for your dog. That’s when I realized that this “all things dog” store had 200 different styles of leash and harness, but nowhere in sight was dog food. And there were x-mas ornaments with your dog’s picture, but no “accident” cleaning supplies. They have enough doggy clothing to fill a trunk and play dress-up for days (let me tell you, this is where I get suckered into it). Yet somehow when ordering inventory for the store, someone neglected to put those little bags you use to pick up poop on your 5 daily walks on the list. hmmm...

That’s when I realized that is how they get you. They show you all the fun stuff, and none of the responsibilities. So when you get to the $2000 (correction: in interest of fair reporting, the Chihuahua was $1999) adoption fee for your little bundle of joy, it seems worth it.

And why does a living being come with a 2 to 4 year warranty? There’s something disturbing about that to me.

Anyway. The cure: I really did have a great time seeing the puppies. It was like being at the zoo. Their frolicking and barking made me smile. The best part though? I don’t have to clean up. If one of these doggies makes a mess, I can simply leave the store. Nice, huh?



I stood there trying not to grin too much as the little Chihuahua tried to eat his cage mate, and overheard several mothers in the store with their children. Their conversations with the kids were so amusing.

I overheard one say, “I love the Shit-tzu.” Then her son said, “Mom, you already have a Shit-tzu.” To which she whined, “I know, but I want it!”

Then I heard a young girl ask her mom, “What kind is that? It’s soooo cute!”
“The sign says it’s a puh-pill-lun.”
I shuttered involuntarily.
“What’s that?”
“I think it’s a cross between a Pomeranian and something,” the mother surmised.
I tried not to judge. It wasn’t that long ago that I didn’t know that breed either. I resisted the urge to correct her. But in my head I became Wikipedia.com’s page on Papillon. It’s actually pronounced paw-pee-yon which is the French word for butterfly (and nasal it up! this is French, okay? not Freedom Fries day at the White House). This breed got its name from the way the adult’s ears and face resemble a butterfly.

In her defense, Pomeranian is a great guess for this fuzzy looking puppy! awwww!
And with all these designer breeds these days, who knows what they’re gonna cross next.

As depressed as I may get, it’s good to know I haven’t lost the time-honored tradition of looking down on the common folk. Oh look! I really am in the holiday spirit!

entertainment at target (qotd:120307)

I woke this morning thinking, “I need to buy deodorant.” Well, not so much thinking, as smelling. But either way I was all out. So I was on my way to the bright red circle in the sky. (Target for all you regular folks not living in my fantasy.)

On the way, I ran into some pretty lights that made me feel like I had driven into one of those Corona commercials. It’s beginning to look a lot like Feliz Navidad! love it! (I took these pictures on my mobile while driving. so give me a break on the quality alright.)






Anyway. I picked up my favorite flavor of deodorant and then wandered around the rest of the store awhile. I went to check out the electronics section. I always inexplicably end up there for some reason.

I resisted buying Invasion of the Body Snatchers (only $9.44!! I know! I should have gotten it.) and checked out Target’s price for Super Mario Galaxy for Wii (ouchy!).

As I was leaving the area to go check out, I crossed paths with two very young boys. Their conversation went something like this:

stripped shirt: Where’s your mom?
blondie: I don’t know. But if she’s not going to stay in one place, I’m not going to carry around this chick flick “Hairspray” any more! (throws the dvd onto the nearest shelf)

And that’s very close to a word-for-word quote.
So much anger from a boy around seven years old! I wondered to myself where he learned to say “chick flick” with so much disdain at such a young age. I bet his dad is a wonderful, loving man. Either that or here’s a 7year old who is desperately trying to hide a secret.

okay?

It's weird the things you think of at weird random times... (qotd:112307)

take tonight for instance...

It started when I was walking into the bedroom. Suddenly I hear the one sound that strikes more fear into my heart than any other sound I have heard recently.

“hmgggh. hmmggngh. hmngggkggh. ckk ckck hmckkk”

A chill went up my spine. Then down again. I look under the bed and there’s The Cat (Herman) preparing to hack something up. “omg!” I’m yelling, “GET OUT of there!” I yank the bed out to grab him.

Too late. There’s already a yellow and brown puddle with flecks of greenery. I can still recognize the food he was begging me for not an hour earlier. It’s no wonder he’s barfy! I don’t think he ever chews. And that smell! I turn away making a similar gagging noise of my own.

Then I see him running away. Not wanting him to create a secondary crime scene, I follow. He runs into the kitchen.... “NO! Don’t go in there!” Before I can grab him, he is in the cabinet (He can open the cabinets. It’s his favorite hiding place.). I open the door to make sure he’s not barfing in there.

“Hissssssss” This sound I’m totally used to. It doesn’t startle me anymore. It has now become The Cat’s standard greeting for me. Then the screaming...
Have you ever heard a cat scream like a child being poked with needles? I have video if you’d like to.

Now this particular cabinet is not shallow. It’s more than half of my body length deep. And I’m over six feet tall. I really don’t want to have to get inside it to clean up after sick cat. Again. So I wrap a towel (for the biting) around my arm and reach in.
A few attempts and a few scrapes later, I finally pull him out.

Then I recognize another smell. It is distinctive to this particular animal. If you smell it you will never say, “Is there an elephant around? Cows? a dog perhaps?” No (though you may wish it was one of the above) that is the distinctive smell of cat poop!

“oh god oh god ohgodohgod...”
The Cat, the towel, and anything in between is covered in poop. Still holding onto The Cat, I check my person. Nothing on me. Okay...
OMG! There’s some on my exposed finger!

I start to hum to myself to distract myself from hurling. It’s the same way I used hum when doing my paper route at 5am in Wisconsin in the dark to keep from getting scared. “hm hmm hm hmm hm hmhm hm hm hmhmhmhmhm...”

I take The Cat into the bathroom with outstretched arms, watching for drips. I set him in the tub and close the door behind me and run to the sink to scrub like I’ve never scrubbed before. Then I return to the bathroom where The Cat is now out of the tub running around. Aaaargh!

“You brought this on yourself kitty.”

He was surprisingly quiet. Went like a real trooper. He accepted his fate like a brave solider. But I guess he was probably just as happy as I to be poop free. And he didn’t make a peep through the entire bath. Yes, I gave The Cat a bath. And he squirmed a little and tried to get out. But overall he was silent the whole time.

Having him cleaned, I put him in the laundry room by his liter and water. I put on rubber cleaning gloves and entered the kitchen. Peering inside the cabinet, I suddenly realize I’m going to have to crawl in there to clean it.

I start to hum again.
And I was tempted to leave it for Freddy. The Cat, after all, is his animal. Then I remember he won’t be home until Tuesday. It can’t stay there that long. damn.

More humming... That’s when I realized what I was humming. “...mine eyes have seen the glory of the coming of the Lord... He is trampling out the vintage where the grapes of wrath are stored... He hath loosed the fateful lightning of His terrible swift sword... His truth is marching on... glory glory hallelujah...” The Battle Hymn of the Republic?

I spent the rest of the clean up inside the pretty place in my head. Distracted by the task of trying to remember all the lyrics. It really is strange what your mind will bring up in times of stress or discomfort. weird.

After showering in hydrogen peroxide, I treated myself to cheese and olives dipped in sour cream and hot sauce. I deserved it.

i statements (qotd:112107)

so i just realized that it has been a month (!) since my last post. it’s funny (ironic?) that my last post was “then i sat down and started writing...” the thing is that i really did do just that. i have been writing, just not to this blog. i’ve had things i wanted to write, but didn’t sit down and take the time. i have been too busy writing to write.

i’ve also been buried deep within my own head. so far in i can’t see straight. it’s really hard to believe in your goals and yourself all the time. it’s even harder when those who are suppose to be “near-and-dear” tell you that you won’t make it.

just last night someone said to me, “so if you never get to do this thing that you want to do, what else do you want to do?” translation: what’s your back-up? ‘cause you ain’t makin’ it! my answer was nothing. i believe that having a back-up is setting yourself up to quit or fail. and i’ve done that back-up thing too long. now is the time to just do it.

as yoda famously said: “there is no try. only do or do not.”

then, after telling another friend what i’m doing in the pursuit of my goals, this friend starts telling me to go back to school and get another degree! aghast, i replied, “i still owe a mountain of money for my last degree!” and just because it may be a more practical vocation does not make it something i want to do. in fact, the practicality of it is what turns me off about it.

and then there’s the issue of certain family who don’t understand why i don’t want to move to north carolina, video-tape weddings and make wedding cakes (even though they will never be supportive of my people getting married), or find a meaningless job at a soulless corporation just to live. that’s not living. that’s passing time waiting to die.

there is no way i could hate any of these people though. in their ways, they all just want what they think is the best for me.

but i have come to realize one thing. really i’m realizing it again. it’s something that is always preached. and its something that i’ve always known. but suddenly i’m taking in the full meaning of it.

i am the only one who knows my path.
i am the only one who can accomplish my goals.
i am the only one with the will power to take action.
i am the only one that will help me.
i am the only one who can believe in me.
i am the only one who knows that i’m going to get there.

everyone else has their own issues, their own problems, their own motivations, their own success, and their own life to worry about.

my new mantra: i have to make it happen.

then i sat down and started writing... (qotd:102007)

Paul Budnitz is the founder and president of Kidrobot. The place where the toys of your dreams are made and sold (some results many vary). I ran across this post of his while reading his blog.

"Being creative has nothing to do with your mind. The mind exists to judge, to criticize -- because it's a survival organ, the mind's primary function is to make sure we're safe, to judge if that yellow blob over there is a scary lion or a broken bulldozer. The mind can't deal with uncertainty, and being creative is always, always putting yourself in the land of the uncertain. To the untrained mind that's equivalent to walking into traffic blind. The prospect of something new, something that arrives out of nowhere is intrinsically terrifying to our egos.
There is no place for the mind during the process of actually creating things. We take advantage [of] our minds later, at the end of the process, to evaluate if what we have made is beautiful, ugly, scary, worthwhile, or might land us in jail.

Learning to become perpetually creative is nurturing the habit of getting our mind out of the way. Writer's block is just a habit. The amazing thing about human beings is that we can nurture new habits. We can retrain ourselves to create differently."

words to take to heart. not easy though. i think i'll reference this thought often when i feel i can't write. sometimes you have to turn off all the issues and all the rules and all the drama and just create.

especially the rules!

then if you feel the need, there is always the post-create self-edit?

happy radiohead day (qotd:101007)

one of my dearest friends, gina, messaged me today.
“happy radiohead day”

omg! how could i forget...

“is that 2day?”
i scrambled (dramatization?) toward the radiohead “dead air space” website. i had meant to get their new only-downloadable-from-their-website album the moment it was self-leaked.
eep!

another im came.
“used liz’s dnld link... do you want mine?”

omg omg omgomgomg!

“sure”

gina: “you’re gonna cry”

13 minutes later i was listening to the album track by track. i got stuck at ”nude” and listened twice. then at “weird fishes/arpeggi.” listened several times.

then it started... i had called her a liar...

i cried.

and i kept listening... “all i need” is painfully beautiful “...i'm the next act waiting in the wings... i'm an animal trapped in your parked car... i am all the days 
that you choose to ignore... you are all i need...”

i think i’ve listened to this album through about a hundred times in the past 3 hours. so far this is my fav.

it’s called “videotape”

“when i'm at the pearly gates
this will be on my videotape, my videotape
mephistopheles is just beneath
and he's reaching up to grab me

this is one for the good days
and i have it all here
in red, blue, green

red, blue, green

you are my center
when i spin away
out of control on videotape
on videotape
on videotape
on videotape

this is my way of saying goodbye
because i can't do it face to face
i'm talking to you after it's too late
from my videotape

no matter what happens now
you shouldn't be afraid
because i know today has been the most perfect day i've ever seen.”

...if you want it... (qotd:100907)

On today's date in 1940, John Lennon was born. To celebrate, we went to see Across the Universe the new film directed by Julie Taymor featuring the music of the Beatles. I suddenly realized the significance of the timing of this film. We are in a war that is often compared to the war in Viet Nam. And we still talk of peace as if it’s the silly dreams of hippie fairy tails.

Lennon’s message was simple and yet profound. The most profound things usually are straightforward. That’s why in his honor I chose this quote of the day.

“...All you need is Love...”

poster reads:
WAR IS OVER!
if you want it
Happy Christmas from John & Yoko