i statements (qotd:112107)

so i just realized that it has been a month (!) since my last post. it’s funny (ironic?) that my last post was “then i sat down and started writing...” the thing is that i really did do just that. i have been writing, just not to this blog. i’ve had things i wanted to write, but didn’t sit down and take the time. i have been too busy writing to write.

i’ve also been buried deep within my own head. so far in i can’t see straight. it’s really hard to believe in your goals and yourself all the time. it’s even harder when those who are suppose to be “near-and-dear” tell you that you won’t make it.

just last night someone said to me, “so if you never get to do this thing that you want to do, what else do you want to do?” translation: what’s your back-up? ‘cause you ain’t makin’ it! my answer was nothing. i believe that having a back-up is setting yourself up to quit or fail. and i’ve done that back-up thing too long. now is the time to just do it.

as yoda famously said: “there is no try. only do or do not.”

then, after telling another friend what i’m doing in the pursuit of my goals, this friend starts telling me to go back to school and get another degree! aghast, i replied, “i still owe a mountain of money for my last degree!” and just because it may be a more practical vocation does not make it something i want to do. in fact, the practicality of it is what turns me off about it.

and then there’s the issue of certain family who don’t understand why i don’t want to move to north carolina, video-tape weddings and make wedding cakes (even though they will never be supportive of my people getting married), or find a meaningless job at a soulless corporation just to live. that’s not living. that’s passing time waiting to die.

there is no way i could hate any of these people though. in their ways, they all just want what they think is the best for me.

but i have come to realize one thing. really i’m realizing it again. it’s something that is always preached. and its something that i’ve always known. but suddenly i’m taking in the full meaning of it.

i am the only one who knows my path.
i am the only one who can accomplish my goals.
i am the only one with the will power to take action.
i am the only one that will help me.
i am the only one who can believe in me.
i am the only one who knows that i’m going to get there.

everyone else has their own issues, their own problems, their own motivations, their own success, and their own life to worry about.

my new mantra: i have to make it happen.

then i sat down and started writing... (qotd:102007)

Paul Budnitz is the founder and president of Kidrobot. The place where the toys of your dreams are made and sold (some results many vary). I ran across this post of his while reading his blog.

"Being creative has nothing to do with your mind. The mind exists to judge, to criticize -- because it's a survival organ, the mind's primary function is to make sure we're safe, to judge if that yellow blob over there is a scary lion or a broken bulldozer. The mind can't deal with uncertainty, and being creative is always, always putting yourself in the land of the uncertain. To the untrained mind that's equivalent to walking into traffic blind. The prospect of something new, something that arrives out of nowhere is intrinsically terrifying to our egos.
There is no place for the mind during the process of actually creating things. We take advantage [of] our minds later, at the end of the process, to evaluate if what we have made is beautiful, ugly, scary, worthwhile, or might land us in jail.

Learning to become perpetually creative is nurturing the habit of getting our mind out of the way. Writer's block is just a habit. The amazing thing about human beings is that we can nurture new habits. We can retrain ourselves to create differently."

words to take to heart. not easy though. i think i'll reference this thought often when i feel i can't write. sometimes you have to turn off all the issues and all the rules and all the drama and just create.

especially the rules!

then if you feel the need, there is always the post-create self-edit?

happy radiohead day (qotd:101007)

one of my dearest friends, gina, messaged me today.
“happy radiohead day”

omg! how could i forget...

“is that 2day?”
i scrambled (dramatization?) toward the radiohead “dead air space” website. i had meant to get their new only-downloadable-from-their-website album the moment it was self-leaked.
eep!

another im came.
“used liz’s dnld link... do you want mine?”

omg omg omgomgomg!

“sure”

gina: “you’re gonna cry”

13 minutes later i was listening to the album track by track. i got stuck at ”nude” and listened twice. then at “weird fishes/arpeggi.” listened several times.

then it started... i had called her a liar...

i cried.

and i kept listening... “all i need” is painfully beautiful “...i'm the next act waiting in the wings... i'm an animal trapped in your parked car... i am all the days 
that you choose to ignore... you are all i need...”

i think i’ve listened to this album through about a hundred times in the past 3 hours. so far this is my fav.

it’s called “videotape”

“when i'm at the pearly gates
this will be on my videotape, my videotape
mephistopheles is just beneath
and he's reaching up to grab me

this is one for the good days
and i have it all here
in red, blue, green

red, blue, green

you are my center
when i spin away
out of control on videotape
on videotape
on videotape
on videotape

this is my way of saying goodbye
because i can't do it face to face
i'm talking to you after it's too late
from my videotape

no matter what happens now
you shouldn't be afraid
because i know today has been the most perfect day i've ever seen.”

...if you want it... (qotd:100907)

On today's date in 1940, John Lennon was born. To celebrate, we went to see Across the Universe the new film directed by Julie Taymor featuring the music of the Beatles. I suddenly realized the significance of the timing of this film. We are in a war that is often compared to the war in Viet Nam. And we still talk of peace as if it’s the silly dreams of hippie fairy tails.

Lennon’s message was simple and yet profound. The most profound things usually are straightforward. That’s why in his honor I chose this quote of the day.

“...All you need is Love...”

poster reads:
WAR IS OVER!
if you want it
Happy Christmas from John & Yoko

if you've ever worked with any public service, then you know this is true. (qotd:092407)

so i was headed out to seattle for a little excursion. on the plane, the battery for my computer died. so i pulled out the usairways magazine and quickly shuffled back to the crossword and puzzle pages.

my qotd was the answer to one of the letter drop puzzles. it was an unexpected laugh. i love that!


“I personally think we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.”
--Lily Tomlin


ps: i heart lily tomlin!

...its too easy to wish you harm... qotd(092307)

Smokey Joe by Tori Amos has been in my head for a solid week. so really this should be my quote of the week. however, in an attempt to exorcize this demon, i put it on paper.

well, figuratively anyway.

if you are unfamiliar with Tori and her current album American Doll Posse (and quite frankly, out of the loop...), she often takes on the guise of the women who are (yes, are) her songs. in this album she just spelled it out for everyone. there are sides of her identity that present themselves when the situation warrants. these women are her posse, and they are

Pip
Santa











Tori

Isabel

and Clyde.

they all have their own special talents, and their own blogs. for more info, ask me or check out the toriphoria page http://www.yessaid.com/ also: http://toriamos.com and http://www.undented.com/ .

Pip sings this one. check out her blog at http://pipolitics.livejournal.com/


Smokey Joe you're calling at the station
"if I kill him there are complications"
i did not ask for this
"oh, but Love, yes you did"

maybe it terrifies me
this quiet siege
maybe it terrifies me

it's too easy
it's too easy
to wish you harm

you through black ice
at the bottom of the river


Smokey Joe, hey, what's a revelation
"that one's past is not a destination
it is a road for fools
who need empty approvals"

my dark twin
the annihilating Feminine
does not need
civilizing


...maybe it terrifies me
it's too easy to wish you harm...

...Smokey Joe is calling at the station...


for a reason, coincidence or otherwise, i started my walk with Smokey Joe shortly after my annoying, needy, self-centered ex text me yet again. every time i think of him or hear of him it makes me smile to think of his misery. and “maybe it terrifies me” that i can imagine such cruelty. or maybe i revel in it? either way i can’t really spend the time worrying about him and that past.

its time to work on my own karma... and if that means to stop wishing a pox on his head... guess i could try?



bonus download: Cruel by Tori Amos from the album From the Choirgirl Hotel (also sung by Pip years before Pip had a name) “...i can be cruel. i don’t know why...”

...and start again... (qotd:090507)

then i was unpacking stuff from boxes from my move... found this bit of music history (!)... used to love this song... still do...

sometimes you have to stop "walking around in circles"... and drop everything... start again... and start again... and start again... and start again... and start again... and start again...

"when the ghostly dust of violence traces everything
and when the gas runs out
just wreck it
you insured the thing.

i don't need to walk around in circles

well i know what i'm doin'

but i can't sigh now that you made the move
it has gone and gone to dogs
lay down on the floor
for the right price i can get everything
slip into the car.
go driving to the farthest star

i don't need to walk around in circles..."

walk around in circles
by soul coughing
album: el oso


...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again ...and start again...